I'd say giving up sounds like a good idea, but that's just not me

I'm not sure what to do anymore. My family life seems to be falling apart because of me. I have continued to tell myself that it's not my fault, that other people need to change, not me. I still think that there is more compromise to the solution than just me changing who and what I am. I think that me getting a steady job is going to make things approximately 150% better (I could be wrong about that number, I'm not great at math). But in the meantime, I guess I need to just be an adult, admit my failings, and move forward. Why does it always take really shitty circumstances to get me to pay attention? Probably because I'm more or less a lifelong failure and that is simply one more symptom of my failings. I don't remember the last thing that I did really well. I'm kinda getting used to the idea of just doing what others tell me to do, that way, I'll have less (hopefully) of a change to screw things up. I know most of this is me having a pity party for myself, but I've got to get past this feeling of being a letdown to anyone I've ever known to move on and get better. I know I haven't failed at everything and that there are things I'm good at (to one degree or another). It's just right now, I feel like I'm at the bottom of the well looking up. But at least I am looking up, right?

Help or don't, but don't pretend

I just experienced people who said they "would be willing to help, no matter what" send me to voicemail then text back, I call you back when I get time. Perhaps I am being unrealistic (it's been known to happen) but when you say, "I'll be there for you no matter what" you don't voicemail someone while you are shopping. It makes it very hard to lend credibility to someone when they don't even follow up on their own statements of wanting to help.

A continuation of the suck

Another chapter in the ongoing fight with mental issues. Note I don't call it an illness. I don't think that these episodes of human weakness equal being sick. I think that all of us have inside us the capability of going bat-shit, some of us are just more prone to it. I admit that I have issues I need to deal with and will deal with them. Being harangued into actions that I'm not comfortable with will most likely result in frustration for all. I am very aware of my need to get counseling and to work on some program of recovery and renewal. I would appreciate a little respect and common courtesy when discussing my "options". When none of them sound good to me at first blush, chances are I simply need time to digest the idea. I'm not discounting things out of hand, I just want time to think about it. I know, I know, thinking hasn't really been a strong suit for me, but this is just the way my mind works. I can't change that overnight.