More self-aggrandizing bullshit

I keep thinking that I must really be important for others to waste their time on me. God knows I don't see it that way. But somehow, for some reason, people keep coming to my aid. To give me comfort where and when it's not deserved. To help me when I least want it and most need it. Advice is freely given and freely ignored if need be. I'm not good at being on the receiving end of emotional generosity. I'm not entirely sure I'm good on the giving end either, I have simply told myself over the years that it' the side of the coin I'm better with. Since my kids were born, I've kinda had to become more aware of my emotional "score". I can't be all giving, neither can I be all taking. That is a really hard concept to wrap my mind around. I may get around to accepting it sooner or later, but for now, I'm just really confused and scared. Not neccessarily about anything specific. Simply amazed and humbled at the love that has been out there for so long and that I've ignored, thinking I didn't need it. It has taken a wife of infinite patience to show me that I can't love without being loved back, not in any true manner. My mind and heart are having one hell of an argument and I'm really hoping they work it out. My head hurts.