Whenever you might wonder

What bothers me most about having been in the loony bin is the more or less complete destruction of my self-image. I have always prided myself on my mind and my control thereof. Having been first diagnosed as clinically depressed, then bipolar II, I have slowly watched the traits that I once prided being slowly degraded by my perceptions and the perceptions of others (whether those perceptions are real or not hardly matters.) I can no longer trust my own thoughts and/or memories. This is quite frankly terrifying. I feel like I am losing who I am. I don't know anymore what my mind is coming up with. I find myself chasing thoughts that I have no interest in re-living and then beating myself up for doing that. I hope the new med regimen begins to help things, because right now, I'm scared to death and pissed off about it.