Okay, so we're more or less caught up on the "unfortunate incarceration" (God help me I just quoted from Designing Women) I'd like to explore what happened in my head leading up to that fateful moment. This is a section of my Tumblr blog from earlier that day.
http://www.tumblr.com/blog/renderedthoughts
I still can't decide if I stand by this or not. I think I like it, I just feel like an idiot for espousing the idea of universal consciousness equaling God. I mean, it seems, hell, it is, blasphemous to even consider becoming an equal of God's. Seems to me someone tried that before and it didn't work out so well *coughs, Lucifer*. I think maybe we're just at a point in our evolution as a species that we can even think of meeting God. There are a couple of religions that believe your final incarnation is as a god-type awareness. Perhaps that's where mankind is headed, who knows.
Having hashed out in my head what I could remember about that day and talking to my therapist, I believe I have an "answer" (for myself, at least) to what happened. The medications that had been prescribed to me were patently wrong and caused/allowed a mental break. That chemical badness was further exacerbated by my line of thinking during that time. While I thought I had life, the universe, and everything figured out, I also thought/believed that the world was going to go *poof* in my children's lifetime unless I could get the right people to make the right decisions.... Now, all of that was going through my head at about a million miles an hour. I had not slept well, I was stressed b/c of my unemployment, we have a baby on the way, my brain chemicals were topsy-turvy, and I thought my children would see the end of the world. Hell, anyone would have had a break-down at that point.
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